Travel around the world, across the seas and continents-one thing that keeps the fantasy switch turned on all the time In me and yet today if someone asks me where all I have travelled to, I do not have much to say.
My life, like so many other lives, took a mechanical turn after acquiring a Post Graduate degree. Yeah! I am an MBA. Everything had a money-angle to it. Not that I wanted it to be this way, but when you know you have loan to repay, you do not have much option. Do you? It was then that my life started getting into this invincible box, where, metaphorically speaking, breathing was forbidden and the only outlet to all the emotional upheaval that the heart went through, was poetry and music.
Today, as I sit “jobless” for the seventh month running, with no regular monthly paycheck coming my way, with no targets’ Damoclean sword hanging over my head, should I be upset and get into a shell or should I be celebrating? Well, honestly, I am celebrating. This mad rat race in an even madder world, which is more often than not, not interested in you, but only in the assortment of status symbols that you possess and how much bank balance you have. I am out of it. The race I mean. The loan still remains to be repaid and I am still “looking for” a job but this time the monotony of a mechanical path is far from what I am in search of. Peanuts as pay-check is fine but whatever I take up, it should nourish the real me and not try to confine it to the four walls of what people love to say as “having a job”.
Till the time I find that one thing that kind of calls out to me, I have decided to turn my fantasy into reality. I will travel. Meet people-lots of them. Learn. Write. Enrich my soul. Maybe some place in the lap of the nature, and then just breathe, in the true sense of the word. Live. Celebrate the real me, the beautiful me, the unique me, the individual me. The “mechanical” line of thought is still trying to tell me that I should take up something as soon as possible. The notorious career-gap in my resume will turn things sour for my professional reputation. But this time my heart shuts the door to all these voices. As it is I am not that subservient by nature. Let it speak. It will go quiet in sometime, losing the conflict. I will let go of myself. Live the only life that I have. Feel the sunshine. Dance in the rain. Let the winter fog touch my skin. All to be done in this one life, whose uncertainty is of the highest order.
After all, I have someone to answer to when this uncertainty no more remains. Myself.
